I have been going swimming as much as I can because I love love love to swim. Plus I am getting in good exercise which is always a bonus. I have been on the thing where I am trying to be healthier and I workout a lot more than I have in the past and try to be as healthy as I can. One of the best things about working out now is that if in the future I get pregnant and I have already been working out then I should be able to stay active during the pregnancy. I am so happy that we have a pool here and we can go basically whenever we want even if Mark doesn't really like it, I don't usually mind going alone cause of how much I love to swim. 

Seriously this is our new favorite place to eat!! Their ribs are to die for and I am so glad we found our new favorite place to eat. I think we really enjoy the environment as well. I really suggest that everyone tries their ribs! HAHA that was a little bit of just a silly post but I was excited. Plus we are going again for a date night and I am sooo excited! 

We seem to struggle with life and its many battles and journey's, but we always get by, which I know in my heart that is the greatest blessing of all. There are days I want to have a family so bad that it is literally depressing knowing that I can see the light but I can't touch it, and I am not even close yet. I put those lyrics up above because they have been so inspiring to me these last few months. The Song is called "A Thousand Years" by Christina Perri and I truly love the song, in fact I have decided when we have our first child I want this song to be playing in the room. That is how much it has inspired me to stay strong and keep loving our future children and our future family. I know that Heavenly Father has so much in store for us and I know that my Savior knows our pain and our heartache. Not being able to control the situation is so hard because I really really like to be in control, and I think that this may be one of the hardest trials we will have to go through, is waiting. Waiting for that day when we can hold my baby for the very first time, when we can smell him/her, and kiss him/her, and finally have that joy of being MOM and DAD. We move forward as one and we understand each other and most of the reasons we have to wait for our family. I know we will appreciate it that much more because we waited, not because we wanted to, but because Heavenly Father knew we needed to. There will still be days that we struggle and hurt because of it but this our journey and such is life. I know we will have a family and grow toward being that much closer to being with our Heavenly Father. That is all we could ever hope for...all we could ask for.

Not very long ago we applied for a job with the church and things started to kind of just happen. We found out we were in the top four and then all of the sudden we were in the top two, but holy crap this would mean we would be moving to Guam. We started to make plans for moving and trying to get things done so we could. We felt in our hearts that for some reason we were going to be moving, and so I decided to tell my job that there was a possibility that we would be moving to Guam, and that it wasn't for sure but maybe. That very day she decided she felt I was not reliable and let me go from my job, but that isn't even the worst part. That very night we had our last interview and found out the other family had received the job. I think I was more heart broken then Mark was, but I think everything has its reasons. Mark seemed to take it well, but in our hearts I think we still hope that we will get a job with the church. It is the kind of break we need, not that it is a break but we have been stuck in a rut and I think it would be amazing for our family. So we almost moved to Guam, crazy I know, but we are still getting by and happily married, even with the mountains we have been climbing on a regular basis. HaHaHa...

One Step at a Time

The last time I left off I had talked about how we were going to be taking the injections. Well we did and they weren't really that bad and the procedure went well and it did do what it is suppose to do. So we know that we can get pregnant doing the injections. That is the good news, the bad news is that we did not get pregnant. I have been majorly struggling with this and have kind of put a hold on trying for a while because I just haven't been feeling sure if I am ready for this next step. The funny thing is that Mark and I kind of switched roles because in the beginning all I could talk about was starting a family and getting pregnant and Mark was all quiet about it like he still wasn't sure. Now he is the one that is so ready for a family and talks about having a family sooner rather than later and that it is our choice not anyone else, but I have been scared. I started putting up walls and I can't really explain but I just don't feel how I felt before, except for when I see families together and then I know that is my dream in life. I do want to be a mother and I do want Mark and I to have children, but this is so hard to only have a maybe come out of it. Lately we have discussed it and we do think we will try again soon, but hopefully will not tell anyone so that if we don't get pregnant that it won't hurt us as bad and we won't have to tell anyone. So right now we are simply being married and taking one step at a time toward our goals, and I think we feel that is best. 

A few times recently a few people have said things about how they feel Mark and I should live our lives or make decisions, and that is normal, all of us want to warn others when we think we know better. Starting a family though is between Mark, I, and the Lord, and that is it. I still find myself getting very hurt by the way people make it seem as though I am trying to brain wash my husband into having a baby, and that having one is all that I think about. I seriously beg to differ because I can name many things on my mind other than that, especially lately. We know what we want and what we will do because we and only we discuss these things and pray about these things and people will just have to trust that we are adults and can make our own decisions. So like I said it's one step at a time... and I think that in the end we will look back and be grateful that we have been able to get through everything never giving up on each other!! Of two things I am absolutely sure; I love my husband, Mark Peterson, more than anything and I fall more and more in love everyday, and also that our Heavenly Father knows us and loves us and will answer our prayers and will carry us when can not bare the burden. For now that is all I need!!!

Our little journey to start a family

We have been trying to have a baby on our own for a while now and have had no luck. About six months ago I had went to the doctor because something did not feel right with my ovaries. I had issues in the past with irregular cycles and always had a feeling that something was different. When I went the doctor he told me that I have what is called Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). Up until recently I just thought that it was a very simple disease that could be fixed very easily. We started taking a medication called Clomid and were very excited to really be serious about trying. After the first round of Clomid I went to the doctor to find out that the medication did not work. So the Doctor put me on a higher dose of Clomid where I was taking four pills a day. About three weeks later we found out that the medication yet again had done nothing and that my PCOS was a lot worse than I had thought and that I am not able to get pregnant on my own. That was one of the hardest things to hear in my entire life and I thought to myself, "I'm never going to have a baby!" The Invetro is  like $10,000 and adoption is the cheapest somewhere between $5000 to $6000 and we don't have that kind of money. So my heart was so broken and it really felt as if this dream would never become a reality. We have been praying day in and day out for guidance and me being the silly person I am, of course expected a quick and easy answer. We received an answer but it was not what I thought. My doctor informed me that there are injections that I can take to stimulate my ovaries and it should hopefully work but the downside is its about $800 for it all and that is also money we don't just have. Luckily a friend of ours who is kind of going through something similar gave us an amazing opportunity. So we went to go get the medication and found out that we could not order the medication. It felt like Heavenly Father was testing me and he probably was and still is. This is our Journey, something that we have to go through as a family and when the day comes that we do have a child I know that I will appreciate it that much more. So just recently my doctor has told me that he will order the medication for me so that we can still do this and it may be cheaper. YAY!! We are starting what is called Provera today (1-4-12) and will be taking another medication called Femara in about 11 to 12 days. Then we will be starting the injections of Follistim about 5 days later and I will be being tested everyday to make sure everything is going as planned. Then when everything looks how it should we will get one more injection of HCG and then will start the "Procedures"  the next day, then wait and see if we get pregnant. We have about a 25% chance each time that we will get pregnant and also that we may have doubles. We are keeping our fingers crossed and will be letting people know as soon as possible. I am just grateful that we are able to continue down the road of trying to make this dream a reality. I am a little nervous hahaha but I know I can do anything and will do anything to have my own sweet beautiful child.

Something everyone has been wondering about

THE STORY

I know that everyone has been wondering about what happened to me about two or three months ago, so I am going to tell everyone that way I can tell everyone about what we are doing now. 

Not to long ago I was having some pain in my ovaries and also by my upper right rib. I had put off going to the doctor because ovary pain was pretty normal for me and I was in the process of trying to lose weight and didn't want to hear that I was fat. Well a couple of times I had such intense pain that it became necessary for me to go to the doctor. I went and my blood tests came back a little bit elevated for my liver enzymes and also the doctor wanted to take a look at my ovaries. So we went to this place and got an ultrasound and it didn't look too promising. I had all of these black looking holes on my ovaries and it literally made my ovaries look like Swiss cheese. Also the tech had a really hard time finding good pictures of my liver and was hurting me to get a semi decent one. I was not happy! Well then we waited for what seemed like forever and found out that I had  Polycystic Ovarian Syndrom.  We Later had to go get more blood tests for my liver and that was one of the worst things. They had to take twenty viles of my blood, and I am not exaggerating. Then after waiting again we found out that I had liver disease and that I am not going to die. That I just need to be as healthy as I can and get as much exercise as I can. It was hard because I felt like they were telling me "Kaylee You are FAT!" and I am coming to terms with myself now but that is how it felt then that made me feel fat. So I exercise and I try to be healthy and I know that if I start to get any pain that it is because I am not doing what I am suppose to do........

TO BE CONTINUED....