The last time I left off I had talked about how we were going to be taking the injections. Well we did and they weren't really that bad and the procedure went well and it did do what it is suppose to do. So we know that we can get pregnant doing the injections. That is the good news, the bad news is that we did not get pregnant. I have been majorly struggling with this and have kind of put a hold on trying for a while because I just haven't been feeling sure if I am ready for this next step. The funny thing is that Mark and I kind of switched roles because in the beginning all I could talk about was starting a family and getting pregnant and Mark was all quiet about it like he still wasn't sure. Now he is the one that is so ready for a family and talks about having a family sooner rather than later and that it is our choice not anyone else, but I have been scared. I started putting up walls and I can't really explain but I just don't feel how I felt before, except for when I see families together and then I know that is my dream in life. I do want to be a mother and I do want Mark and I to have children, but this is so hard to only have a maybe come out of it. Lately we have discussed it and we do think we will try again soon, but hopefully will not tell anyone so that if we don't get pregnant that it won't hurt us as bad and we won't have to tell anyone. So right now we are simply being married and taking one step at a time toward our goals, and I think we feel that is best.
A few times recently a few people have said things about how they feel Mark and I should live our lives or make decisions, and that is normal, all of us want to warn others when we think we know better. Starting a family though is between Mark, I, and the Lord, and that is it. I still find myself getting very hurt by the way people make it seem as though I am trying to brain wash my husband into having a baby, and that having one is all that I think about. I seriously beg to differ because I can name many things on my mind other than that, especially lately. We know what we want and what we will do because we and only we discuss these things and pray about these things and people will just have to trust that we are adults and can make our own decisions. So like I said it's one step at a time... and I think that in the end we will look back and be grateful that we have been able to get through everything never giving up on each other!! Of two things I am absolutely sure; I love my husband, Mark Peterson, more than anything and I fall more and more in love everyday, and also that our Heavenly Father knows us and loves us and will answer our prayers and will carry us when can not bare the burden. For now that is all I need!!!
